A Buoyant Heart

Thursday night our boys had a football game, in which they celebrated their first win of the season.  It was a late game, getting us home after 9 pm (bedtime around here is 8-8:30).  Despite the late hour, the kids were bouncing around on adrenaline, not only because of their victory, but also in anticipation of their school marathon for non-public education the next day. Miraculously, everyone made it to bed before 10 pm.  It had been a fun night and all of us were looking forward to the next day.

Friday morning arrived.

We all crashed and burned.

There was fighting, crying, whining, pouting, searching for misplaced items, and more crying.  Then as we attempted to back out of our driveway (15 minutes late), one of the Love Bugs realized that she had forgotten her backpack in the house, which resulted in more fighting and crying. 

I yelled.

I was sarcastic.

I was not my best self.

In a not-so-soft-spoken nor warm-loving manner, I said, "One way or another, we are going to start our day with Jesus."  I played my Catholic Devotions CD the entire trip and demanded silence. 

We made it to school.

The Love Bugs jumped out of the Pilot and ran inside without even a glance back nor a little wave in my direction.

I sat in my vehicle, feeling very defeated.

I decided to surprise the Love Bugs by eating lunch with them that afternoon.  I had the opportunity to sit with each of them, whisper, "I'm sorry" and "I love you" in each of their ears, and then give them a little squeeze.  It was just enough redemption to help me get through the rest of the day.

As we were getting ready to leave for home after school, my friend Tina waved me down,  She had just purchased a sweet, little gratitude journal that she wanted to show me.  I liked the idea of it, but to be honest, I was thinking "I don't need that.  What I really need is a nap and a boat load of patience." (Sorry Tina!)  

Now lets jump ahead to this afternoon.  I decided I wanted/needed to go to Confession.  After my confession, Father shared some insights and scripture with me.  Then he said. . .

Father:  I think you should keep a Gratitude Journal.

Hold the phones and shut the front door!

Father:  A grateful heart is a buoyant heart.  In times of difficulty and trial and even resentment, a heart that is grateful will keep you afloat.  Journaling your gratitude will help you keep sight of your blessings.

After we left the church, I decided to get myself a pretty little journal. The girls picked this one out for me.

I will keep this on my nightstand as a reminder to take time to reflect on the day.  I know that I am blessed, but I think there is great value in writing down specifically that for which I am grateful and thankful.

Tonight I wrote:

1.  Monkey Toes

2.  Sweet Potato

3.  Honey Bunches

4.  Gummi Bear

5.  Cucumber

6.  Sweet Pea

7.  Pumpkin

Our Newest Addition

When Monkey Toes and I first got married, we each owned our own vehicles.  I was driving a Ford Focus and Monkey drove a Toyota Tacoma.  I grew up in a Ford loving family and Monkey did not. When my Dad learned that Monkey drove a Toyota, well he had to have a look at it himself. After walking around the Tacoma a time or two and kicking the tires, he quite honestly told Monkey, "This is a pretty good lookin' truck.  You just put ten Americans out of work, but it's a nice truck."  

When we brought Sweet Potato home from the hospital, we rode in the Focus.  A few, short months later, we discovered we were expecting Baby #2 and the Focus was starting to look a bit too cozy for our needs.  We then purchased a Ford Windstar.  I loved that van and it served us well until 2007 when the alternator went out while on our way to pre-school on the coldest day of the year.  We determined it was time for a newer and more reliable vehicle.  We then came home with a Honda Odyssey.  

You can imagine the horror my Dad was feeling.  

We have had this van for seven years.  Again, it is a vehicle that has served us well with one exception; it only seats seven.  Anywhere we have wanted to go as a family for the past 5 years, we have had to drive two vehicles.  For shorter trips, it wasn't bothersome.  However, there were a number of times when taking two vehicles hindered our decision to go places.  Much of our time is spent inside our vehicle and when we can't all be together, it means some are missing out on good conversation, crazy sing-a-longs, and simply, uninterrupted time together.   

Our van is a 2002 with 207,000 miles, and has a sliding passenger door that continually falls off its hinges.  It is truly lived in and holds many fond memories.  As much as the Odyssey has been a part of this family, the time has come to replace her.

Meet Honda Pilot.

She is a 2008, 8 passenger crossover and I love her.

We brought her home on Friday.  In a sporadic moment, Monkey Toes yelled to the Love Bugs at 7:30 pm, "Get your coats on.  We're going for a ride."  I think I had a smile on my face the entire 40 minute road trip.  

The kids are excited to have a "new" vehicle in the family as well.  They were giddy about riding in it to school today.  I was too, so much so that when I drove into the pick-up lane this afternoon and a few of the teachers commented on it, I got flustered and accidentally put on my wipers with a few splashes of washer fluid.

I am also enjoying the "new car" smell.  We were running a little behind schedule this morning and both Cucumber and Sweet Pea asked if they could finish their breakfast in the Pilot.  I told them no.  I would rather have them be a few minutes late for school than to eat in the new vehicle.  I know - that's an awful thing to say, but I just want to enjoy the cleanliness for a few more days before the newness wears off and she begins to looked lived-in.

So there you have it.  The simple pleasure of owning a vehicle where my entire family can ride together and create more fun, long lasting memories.

Oh, and Dad?  If you're looking down on us and shaking your head, well please know that the Pilot is exclusively manufactured in North America.  And I promise, that when my babies are grown, I will once again be a proud owner of a Ford :) 

Back To School

First Day of School 2014-2015

We are off and running with the new school year.  "Running" pretty accurately describes our lives.

Take into consideration that our summer was completely ours.  Other than a family reunion in early June and then one week of Vacation Bible School, the remainder of summer was spent lounging and playing, mixed with a little bit of work (Monkey Toes is the exception here, as he supported our lounging and playing by actually going to work).

We chose to not sign the Love Bugs up for any Summer Rec activities, which resulted in an almost non-existent schedule; pj's until lunchtime, afternoons at the lake and plenty of rest and relaxation. The boys spent a decent amount of time on the golf course and our yard was frequented by neighborhood kids looking for a pickup game of football.  Yeah, summer was pretty great.

Now, we are back to routine and schedules.  Our calendar looks like a pen exploded on it, when actually it is our list of activities and commitments.

As busy as our lives are, I have a very full and grateful heart.  I am thankful for healthy kids who love to be involved.  I am thankful for this often crazy life with a rock-star husband and great kids. Sometimes overbooked and often sleep deprived, I wouldn't trade this House of Eight for anything!

Sweet Potato - 6th Grade
Piano, Trumpet, School Patrol Captain, Football, Altar Server, Youth Group

Honey Bunches - 5th Grade
Guitar, Saxophone, School Patrol, Football, Altar Server, Youth Group

Gummi Bear - 4th Grade
Piano and Art Club

Cucumber - 2nd Grade
Piano (and an actress at heart)

Sweet Pea - 1st Grade
Loves school, reading, and crafting

First Day of School for Pumpkin - Pre-school
Jumps-out-of-bed-in-the-morning-because-she-is-so-excited-to-go-to-school-and-thinks-it's-a-rip-off-that-it's-only-3-days-a-week-and-only-half-days!

Holy Field Trip

For three years, I have accompanied the 4th Grade Class from my children's school on a Holy Field Trip to the Cathedral in our Diocese.  It is an event for Catholic elementary school children to see the Cathedral, spend time in Adoration and pray the Rosary with our Bishop.  Not only do we pray for the needs of our church and our world, but more specifically for the intentions of Families.  Of all the field trips the Love Bugs take, this is by far my favorite.

After the Benediction, our group walked down the street to spend some time with the Handmaids of the Heart of Jesus.

We were given a tour of the convent and then were split into smaller groups to eat lunch with the sisters.  The kids were encouraged to ask lots of questions.  My favorite question came from a boy who asked, "Is being a nun fun?"  To which sister responded, "It is a blast!"  She expanded her thought by explaining that when we strive to become the person that God created us to be, then we will find joy, peace and happiness beyond our dreams.  These sisters are truly joy filled people, so much so that one can't help but smile when being in their presence.  Their joy is contagious.   One other remarkable fact is that Mother is only 35 years old.  The sisters presence within our Diocese is a blessing and treasure.  My hope is that when my own daughters discern their vocations in life, they will prayerfully consider the Handmaids.  You can learn more about them here.  Their website explains their Charism and also contains their daily schedule.

After our visit to the Handmaids, we walked the Way of the Cross and then made a quick trip to a park for the kids to burn off some energy for our trip back home.  It was a great day!


A few days ago, Monkey asked if I was giving up blogging.  The answer is no.  As we settle back into the routine of school and activities, I hope to be more mindful of recording our family life.  I may be a little slow in getting this up and running again, but life is happening everyday around us and there is much I want to remember.

Here is one little teaser.  Pumpkin is now in preschool.  Her class went to a nearby park last week.

Me:  How was your visit to the park?
Pumpkin:  It. Was. Awesome!  My favorite is the tater-totter.

Our New Normal

Blogging this past summer has not come easy for me.  Countless days I sat down to record some thoughts, but I just found myself in a fog.  The passing of my Mom still weighs heavily on my heart and I simply try to take one day at a time.  Some days I can reminisce about Mom with a smile on my face, and other days I sit and cry at the slightest memory. Sometimes I feel so angry that I don't even recognize myself.  And then there are times when the whole experience seems so overwhelming that I'm left wondering if I'll ever feel "normal" again.

As a woman of faith, I have had to learn to give myself permission to grieve.  Somewhere I think I may have tried to convince myself that because I have a strong faith, then somehow losing someone I love wouldn't, or shouldn't, hurt quite as deeply.  I would never think that of another person, but for some reason, my struggle had me questioning my faith.  I didn't question God or His plan, or His love for all of us. What I began to question was my relationship with Him.  If I really have as close of a relationship to my Creator as I believe, then why am I experiencing so many peaks and valleys?  This question led me to reflect on the life of Job.

The Book of Job is a poetic debate about the cause of suffering.  Job was a faith-filled and obedient man who feared God.  He was blessed with seven sons, three daughters and great abundance - 7000 sheep, 3000 camels, 500 oxen and 500 donkeys.  Life was good for Job.  One day, however, Job's life began a downward spiral.  He lost all of his possessions.  His servants were killed and his children died (as a result of a house collapsing on them while they dined).  He suffered hideous boils and sores from his head to his feet.  All of his livestock died as a result of fire.  He was chastised by his wife and friends.

Through all of his struggles, Job never loses his faith in God.  He most certainly responds with great pain and angst, but instead of blaming God, he blesses God.  He struggles to understand why all of this is happening to him, but he never loses his belief in the goodness of God.

Job realizes that God is beyond human knowledge and that some mysteries - including suffering - can never be completely understood, they can only be accepted.                                                               The Catholic Youth Bible, pg 568

 I am trying to embrace this journey towards acceptance, knowing that death ends a life, but not a relationship.  I was blessed to have a beautiful Mom for 41 years of my life.  That is gift and one I will cherish forever.

Grant me, O Lord my God, a mind to know you, a heart to seek you, wisdom to find you, conduct pleasing to you, faithful perseverance in waiting for you, and a hope of finally embracing you.
- Saint Thomas Aquinas 

Our Birthday Girls

Gummi - May 16th - 9 Years Old

Gummi's birthday fell right in the midst of my Mom's illness.  She showed so much understanding and compassion during this time, especially when we explained to her that we just couldn't celebrate like she had hoped.  She had requested chicken enchiladas for supper, but for convenience sake, we ordered pepperoni pizza.  We were able to get her the cake she wanted; ice cream cake from DQ.

Gummi received a book, a fedora and material to make her own tie-blanket and pillow.

Gummi loves to sing, play piano, do anything crafty, and help with meal prep.  She wants to learn how to sew and knit and plans to manage a lemonade stand during Labor Day weekend in our driveway.  Besides selling lemonade and cookies, she is busy making loom bracelets to sell as well, with all proceeds to benefit our Relay For Life team; Liver and Onions.  Gummi wants to be a Catholic nun and school teacher when she grows up.

Sweet Pea - June 5th - 6 Years Old

I woke up early on Sweet Pea's Birthday to make a bakery run.  I surprised her with her favorite - a chocolate frosted cake doughnut with sprinkles (of course I brought home enough for our brood).  Her requested birthday supper was grilled hamburgers and hot dogs with rice, green beans and corn.

Sweet Pea asked for a DQ cake too!

Her birthday gifts included a beach towel, a charm bracelet, a Target gift card (which she used to buy a music box), an American Girl Doll Doctor's Kit, and a fish tank with 3 fish.

Sweet Pea is a sweet girl, but also has a bit of a spunky edge.  She likes to help around the house and shows great concern when someone is hurt or sad.  She has also been known to pinch her siblings. Sweet Pea had a close relationship with my Mom.  I would often find her curled up on Mom's bed, watching T.V. or just simply visiting with her.  She randomly, yet frequently, will share that she really misses Grandma.

When Sweet Pea grows up, she wants to be a paramedic and a gymnast.

Pumpkin - July 8th - 5 Years Old

Pumpkin knows that her birthday comes after Sweet Pea's birthday.  So pretty much the day after Sweet Pea's birthday, Pumpkin has believed each day is her "special day."

We began Pumpkin's actual birthday by going shopping at Walmart to pick up a few gifts for her and to buy items for her requested birthday supper.  Surprisingly, I was able to sneak a few gift items in the cart without her noticing.

For her birthday supper, Pumpkin chose Spam and rice (Monkey said it made his Chomorro heart proud), pigs in a blanket and a tossed salad.

She chose a strawberry birthday cake with hot pink frosting and Neapolitan ice cream.

Her birthday gifts included a box of Krave cereal, a Minnie Mouse play van, 2 boxes of band aids (the girl loves her band aids!), hair binders, a wall plaque for her room, a new dress and some Build-A-Bear accessories. All the other items were regifted from her older sisters.  Since Pumpkin likes playing in their room and with their things, Gummi and Cucumber decided to put a basket together of items they no longer wanted (books, pens, a journal, chapstick, prayer cards, some jewelery, and a hat).

Pumpkin is a social bug.  She fears very little and loves making new friends.  She is looking forward to pre-school in the fall and keeps asking when we can go school shopping for supplies.  She loves sweets and salad with Italian dressing (they balance each other out, right?)  She has told people that she is gluten free.  She is not.  She enjoys mid-morning coffee breaks and skirts that twirl.

When Pumpkin grows up, she wants to be a cheerleader.


A day does not pass that I am not amazed at each of my children's individuality and uniqueness.  We have a sign that hangs above our sofa that reads, "The Family is One of God's Masterpieces."  I believe that our family is the handiwork of God.  Each member is significant and plays a role specifically designed by our Creator.  When we celebrate birthdays within our family, we try to celebrate the beautiful spirit of each person and the gift they are to not only us, but to the world.  We may not have great wealth or everything our hearts desire, but we have all we need and that makes us rich beyond measure.

A Cancer Journey: Letting Go

Day 27

At 5:30 am, Mom took her last breath.  Monkey Toes and I were each holding one of her hands. Mom's Bible was sitting on her night stand, so I picked it up and read Psalm 23 through tears that were blurring my vision and spilling over, onto my cheeks.  I repeated, "I love you Mom", over and over again.

Mom's suffering was over and her life's journey, on this earth, had come to an end.

I kissed her.  I hugged her.  I immediately longed for more time with her; just one more minute; one more moment.

Monkey woke the kids and we all gathered in our living room.  We asked if any of them wanted to see Grandma, and all but Sweet Potato and Gummi said yes.  One by one we brought them into her room, watching them closely as they tried to understand and make sense of the finality of this most precious life.

Today our white lilacs bloomed.  Lilacs were Mom's favorite flower.


Day 31

Today was Mom's funeral.  It was beautiful and so very touching, especially knowing that she planned every detail.  One of our cousins even commented that it felt jubilant.  I loved hearing that!  It was exactly the feeling that Mom would have wanted to impart.  The church was full of our family, our church family and many friends who loved Mom and love us.

Today is the Feast of the Visitation.  Mom cherished and loved Marian Feast Days.


Reflection

From day one of our month long journey, Mom was dignified.  She showed dignity in how she dealt with her illness, knowing exactly how she wanted to live her final days.

Mom showed dignity though her suffering.  She affirmed the Catholic Churches teaching on Redemptive Suffering.  Her suffering had value.  She offered it for three specific intentions. 1)  To end abortion and that all may see and embrace the sanctity of life from the moment of conception until natural death.  2)  She offered her suffering for an increase in vocations, especially the priesthood. Mom prayed for our priests everyday.  She loved them, she prayed for them, and she taught us to do the same.  3)  She offered her suffering for the intention of those who have left the Church, that they would return home again to sit at the Eucharistic Table once more.

Life without my Mom is going to take awhile to get used to.  I feel uneasy as I walk past her empty room each day.  There is still apart of me that thinks I may see her sitting in her rocking chair, watching EWTN or Fox News, or playing cards on her bed with one of the Love Bugs.  A few times, the little ones have already forgotten that Grandma has passed, and they talk of things to do with her. Pumpkin asked me yesterday if she could go with Grandma to get her hair done at the end of the week. Sweet Pea asked if Grandma will be coming with us on vacation this summer.  Reality then sets in and our hearts ache in her absence.  We miss her everyday!

I am forever grateful for the gift of faith my parents instilled within my siblings and I.  Without it, I don't know how we would get through this or make sense of life.  We find peace and we find hope in a God who so intimately knows every fiber of our being and is holding us near.  We have a Savior who knows and understands our pain.  And we have the promise and the hope of the Resurrection, where Jesus has prepared a place for us.  He has prepared a place for Mom.

And so, we have yet one more saint who is loving us and praying for us on the other side.  Mom will forever be held close in our hearts.

Thank you Mom, for the woman you are, the lessons you taught, and the faith you shared.  I love you!