At 5:30 am, Mom took her last breath. Monkey Toes and I were each holding one of her hands. Mom's Bible was sitting on her night stand, so I picked it up and read Psalm 23 through tears that were blurring my vision and spilling over, onto my cheeks. I repeated, "I love you Mom", over and over again.
Mom's suffering was over and her life's journey, on this earth, had come to an end.
I kissed her. I hugged her. I immediately longed for more time with her; just one more minute; one more moment.
Monkey woke the kids and we all gathered in our living room. We asked if any of them wanted to see Grandma, and all but Sweet Potato and Gummi said yes. One by one we brought them into her room, watching them closely as they tried to understand and make sense of the finality of this most precious life.
Today our white lilacs bloomed. Lilacs were Mom's favorite flower.
Day 31
Today was Mom's funeral. It was beautiful and so very touching, especially knowing that she planned every detail. One of our cousins even commented that it felt jubilant. I loved hearing that! It was exactly the feeling that Mom would have wanted to impart. The church was full of our family, our church family and many friends who loved Mom and love us.
Today is the Feast of the Visitation. Mom cherished and loved Marian Feast Days.
Reflection
From day one of our month long journey, Mom was dignified. She showed dignity in how she dealt with her illness, knowing exactly how she wanted to live her final days.
Mom showed dignity though her suffering. She affirmed the Catholic Churches teaching on Redemptive Suffering. Her suffering had value. She offered it for three specific intentions. 1) To end abortion and that all may see and embrace the sanctity of life from the moment of conception until natural death. 2) She offered her suffering for an increase in vocations, especially the priesthood. Mom prayed for our priests everyday. She loved them, she prayed for them, and she taught us to do the same. 3) She offered her suffering for the intention of those who have left the Church, that they would return home again to sit at the Eucharistic Table once more.
Life without my Mom is going to take awhile to get used to. I feel uneasy as I walk past her empty room each day. There is still apart of me that thinks I may see her sitting in her rocking chair, watching EWTN or Fox News, or playing cards on her bed with one of the Love Bugs. A few times, the little ones have already forgotten that Grandma has passed, and they talk of things to do with her. Pumpkin asked me yesterday if she could go with Grandma to get her hair done at the end of the week. Sweet Pea asked if Grandma will be coming with us on vacation this summer. Reality then sets in and our hearts ache in her absence. We miss her everyday!
I am forever grateful for the gift of faith my parents instilled within my siblings and I. Without it, I don't know how we would get through this or make sense of life. We find peace and we find hope in a God who so intimately knows every fiber of our being and is holding us near. We have a Savior who knows and understands our pain. And we have the promise and the hope of the Resurrection, where Jesus has prepared a place for us. He has prepared a place for Mom.
And so, we have yet one more saint who is loving us and praying for us on the other side. Mom will forever be held close in our hearts.
Thank you Mom, for the woman you are, the lessons you taught, and the faith you shared. I love you!
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