House of Eight; Home of Love: A Toilet Paper Love Story

Today, Monkey and I celebrate 14 years of marriage.

A few weeks ago, some friends and I were gathered for coffee. We began to share how we met our husbands and of our marriage proposals. As I was telling my story, one of my friends commented on how she was surprised that Monkey and I had so many ups and downs in the beginning of our relationship. Truth be told, Monkey and I do not have one of those love stories that can be wrapped up neatly and tied with a pretty bow. It wasn't a "love at first sight" type of tale to tell. It wasn't a "at the end of our first date we knew we were going to be together forever" story. The early part of our relationship wasn't pretty. It is a story of two young, immature kids who really liked to spend time together, but really stunk at dating. It was a 10 year period from when we went on our first date until the day we were married. Yes, we have been a couple, for more or less, 24 years.

The year was 2000 and I was renting an apartment by myself in the Twin Cities. I had invited Monkey over for dinner one evening. Before he came, he called to see if I needed anything. I was out of toilet paper, so I asked if he could pick some up. When he arrived, he had two big packages of toilet paper tucked under each arm. Without having to ask, he purchased the brand that I liked. I remember making the comment, "you even bought the kind that I use," to which he replied, "Of course I did. I pay attention."

It might be hard to believe, but at that moment, I knew we had a future together.

You see, I began to reflect on all the times Monkey had paid attention. Like when we were talking about our favorite childhood toys. I shared that I had always wanted Lego's when I was kid, but I was never given them. Weeks later, a small package arrived in my mailbox from Monkey, containing a Lego's set. Or the time he overheard a conversation I was having with a friend about how I like to sit through all of the credits at the end of a movie. He has never rushed me out of a theater since. Then there was the time I had complained about never receiving any "fun" mail (you know, that time before e-mail and the Internet), and then for 7 days in a row, I received a hand written letter from Monkey. The most meaningful gift he has ever given me (but it has never been mine to claim), was when I told him that I could only marry a man who knew and loved Jesus, and could share my faith with me. In 2000, Monkey was welcomed into full communion with the Church at the Easter Vigil. He, nor us, have ever been the same since that night.

In our married life, he has learned that a piece of chocolate can remedy almost any woe of mine. He knows my favorite wine, my favorite candy bar, my favorite movie, and when I just need a few hours to myself he graciously takes the kids for an afternoon. He understands that there are times when I just need to hang out with my sisters. He has accepted and never complained about my "I do not cook on Sundays" rule.

If there is any wisdom I can impart to my children from our love saga, it is that God's timing is not always our timing. When we are open to His will and guidance in our lives, things have a beautiful way of working out. I recently read the quote, "when things seem to be falling apart, they may just be falling into place." And so it was with Monkey and I. In God's time, we found our partner for life in each other. In God's time, our relationship became a blessed experience. In God's time, our story made sense. In God's time, we said our vows to one another; "I take you to be my spouse. I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you, and I will honor you, all the days of my life." "Take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity." In God's time, we found us.

So does Monkey have me all figured out? Naw. I don't even have myself figured out. But he continues to learn and to try. Years ago, I learned from a priest that true love in a marriage is to help your spouse get to Heaven. The path is not always easy, but I am thankful and blessed that I have Monkey to walk this journey with me.

Happy Anniversary Monkey! I love you!