I bring this up, because earlier today I was in conversation with a woman who said to me, "whenever I'm having a confrontation with my daughter, I step back and ask myself, how would Shelly handle the situation?" Upon hearing this, I began to sweat bullets, partly because Honey Bunches was with me and I was waiting for him to either laugh or bust me by asking the woman, "are you sure you want to know how my mom would react?"
Here is a reality check. I write this blog as a memoir to my children. I want to record funny things that they say, include pictures of our days, and tell stories that reflect our faith and family life. I do not embellish nor exaggerate stories (with kids, one doesn't have to!). I do, however, have full creative control as to what gets published here and what I choose to keep private. So although it may come across that we have little or no struggles, in all actuality, our home has arguments, harsh words, sassy attitudes and the occasional glass of wine to help put life in perspective (that last one really only applies to me). I go to bed, more times than not, feeling guilty for not having put my best foot forward during the day. I try hard, but I pray even harder, everyday, that God will give me the grace and wisdom to parent to the best of my ability. I have some successes, but I have lots of failures too!
I'm not going to unveil all of our family secrets, but here are a few examples of my imperfections.
When Cucumber was 3 years old, she received a Dora doll that rode on a horse. I cannot remember the exact situation, but one day I was angry at something and I took that doll and threw her down on the floor, resulting in her leg snapping off. Yep. I had myself a regular little temper tantrum. I, of course, felt horrible for having broke my child's doll. What made matters even worse, was that Cucumber attempted to fix Dora by using duct tape to re-attach the leg. It didn't work. Whenever Cucumber placed Dora on the horse, the poor doll would just fall off. There was no balance to be had with just one leg. Every time I looked at that doll, I was reminded of how inappropriately I had behaved.
I won't forget the time that I had asked Honey Bunches for the umpteenth time (that is an actual number) to pick up his Lego's. When I walked downstairs and had to tiptoe around the zillion pieces laying on the floor, well, I had had enough. I kicked over the tub of Lego's, resulting in a zillion more pieces to be strewn all over the floor. Definitely not one of my finest moments.
Here are a few more:
I yell.
I give myself time-outs.
I sometimes use the T.V. as a babysitter.
I don't like to share my dessert.
When all is said and done, I love my kids with all my heart. I would give my life for theirs.
And so, we keep on keeping on. I try hard, but pray even harder that God grants me the grace and wisdom to guide His children on their paths to holiness. And someday, when the Love Bugs reflect back on their childhoods, I can only hope that they remember their mom (and dad) as being firm, but loving, imperfect, but forgiving, and providing them a home and life that was Christ centered and full of love.
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| This hangs by our door and is our daily reminder of what we strive towards. |
